Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
