just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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