I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
