he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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