the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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