My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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