That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
