Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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