I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
