I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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