he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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