i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
