Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
