Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
