he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
