the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
