last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
