Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
no you cant smoke seaweed
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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