I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
