he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize