I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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