she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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