All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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