she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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