You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
