So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
