idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
