dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
