Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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