Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
