I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
