No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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