she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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