check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
