K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
