He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
