i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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