I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
50% drunk capacity currently
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize