so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
