He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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