We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
