It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
