a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
