its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
