I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
