I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
