I CAN MOONWALK!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
