I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
