return my video game
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
