I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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