If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize