He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i will never coherently bang her
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
