My Higher Power is John Stamos
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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