I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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