YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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