we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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