ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
