are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
