Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
