and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
