I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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