i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
