____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I deserve this hangover.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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