Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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