when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
