If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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