I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
